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Being a pastor’s wife is one of the most rewarding, challenging, and, at times, humbling roles I’ve ever taken on. There are moments of great joy, deep fulfillment, and beautiful connection with the church family, but there are also moments of vulnerability, exhaustion, and—yes—imperfection. The truth is, I am not the perfect pastor’s wife. And you know what? I’m learning to be okay with that.
I know that many people look at the life of a pastor’s wife and assume I’ve got it all together. Maybe it’s because of the way I smile on Sunday mornings or how I greet newcomers at church events. But behind those moments, there’s a real person—someone who struggles, makes mistakes, and faces the same challenges as anyone else. My imperfections are part of the journey, and it’s a journey that has taught me more about grace, faith, and authenticity than I ever could have imagined.
There’s a certain expectation placed on the role of a pastor’s wife—whether real or imagined. People expect me to always have a “spiritual answer,” to look put-together, to be available at all times for the needs of the church, and to exemplify the perfect balance of humility and leadership. The truth is, though, that I’m human. I don’t always have the answers. Sometimes I’m tired, frustrated, or uncertain. I’ve had days when I’ve felt completely inadequate for the role, or when I’ve let the pressures of ministry overwhelm me.
I remember one particular Sunday morning, running late (again!) and struggling to keep remain calm while trying to make it to church on time. I walked into the sanctuary, trying to put on a smile, but all I wanted to do was curl up on the pew and have a moment to breathe. It was in that moment, though, that God reminded me: I don't need to be perfect to be loved by Him. My worth isn’t defined by my ability to meet others' expectations, but by His grace.
I used to be so hard on myself for not being the “perfect” pastor’s wife. I compared myself to others—especially other women in ministry who seemed to have it all figured out. They hosted beautiful events, never seemed stressed, and always had the right words to say in every situation. But I’ve come to realize something vital: perfection is an illusion.
We all have our struggles, our failures, our doubts. And that's okay. Being a pastor’s wife doesn’t mean I have to live up to some ideal standard of “perfection.” Instead, it’s about showing up authentically—imperfect as I am—and allowing God to work through my weaknesses. In fact, it’s through my imperfections that God’s strength is most clearly displayed. When I’m willing to be vulnerable, honest, and real about my shortcomings, I create space for God to do His work in and through me.
One of the hardest parts of being a pastor’s wife is balancing the many roles I play. I'm a wife, a mother, a friend, a volunteer, and often, a counselor and confidant to those in our church. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing in one area because I’m giving too much of myself to another.
There have been times when I’ve dropped the ball—forgotten to follow up with someone or said “yes” to too many things. I’ve snapped at my husband out of frustration or allowed myself to become overwhelmed. These moments are humbling, but they’re also reminders of my humanity. I’m not called to be a perfect wife or a perfect woman, but rather a faithful one. A faithful pastor’s wife isn’t someone who gets everything right; it’s someone who, in the midst of their imperfection, continues to trust God’s grace and lean into His strength.
Here’s the thing: Being imperfect doesn’t disqualify me from the calling of being a pastor’s wife. In fact, it’s a part of the calling. I don’t have to be perfect to serve God. I don’t have to have it all together to be used by Him. What I’ve learned over these 25+ years in ministry is that God doesn’t expect perfection—He desires my availability, my willingness to serve, and my openness to His leading.
When I embrace my imperfections, I experience the grace of God in a deeper way. I see that I don’t need to be superwoman. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I am enough, just as I am. And when I mess up, God’s grace is sufficient to carry me through. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
As a pastor’s wife, I’ve learned that the most powerful thing I can offer to my church and my family is not a flawless image but a real, authentic heart and those who know me truly understand that is all I really do offer. The most valuable thing I can do is show others that it’s okay to be imperfect—to struggle, to doubt, and to need help. The church doesn’t need more perfect people; it needs more people who are willing to admit their flaws and trust in the redemptive power of God.
To any other pastor’s wife or fellow Christian who might be reading this, know that you are not alone in your imperfection. You don’t have to meet anyone else’s standards. Your worth is not determined by your performance, but by the love and grace of God. Be kind to yourself. Embrace your journey with all its highs and lows. You are enough, and God is using you in ways you may not even see right now.
Ultimately, being a pastor’s wife is not about getting everything right—it’s about learning to trust God’s timing, His plan, and His grace in the midst of our everyday struggles. I will never be perfect, but that’s okay. I can rest in the fact that God doesn’t call the perfect; He calls the willing. And as long as I continue to say "yes" to Him, He will work through my imperfections in ways that only He can.
So, to anyone who feels the weight of perfection on their shoulders—let it go. Embrace the grace that is available to you, and let it remind you that your imperfection is not a weakness but a testimony of God’s amazing love and power. You don’t have to be perfect to be exactly who God has called you to be.
If you’ve ever struggled with the pressure of perfection, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s encourage one another to walk in grace, no matter how imperfect the journey may feel!
April